my holy grail

you will never guess what a friend dropped into me today... a copy of Cloth, Paper, Scissors which is as rare as hens teeth downh here. It is the first one I have ever seen and it it the Winter 2006 edition. Katie Kendrick features in it which was a pleasant surprise.. and at the back is an article which could have been written by me - 'cept it wasn't. It was written by a woman called Loretta Benedetto Marvel. I am sure you have all heard of her. I hadn't..... but my lord she wrote exactly what I have been doing and feeling these past few months in regards to my ART. she calls it ' in search of the Holy grail' and it is the perfect title for it....

It made me laugh out loud when she mentioned that she was like a woman on Crusade - taking art classes, piling up supplies and trying to discover that special technique that everyone knew about except her.... oh that is me for sure! Exept I have joined just about every altered art yahoo group there is... She talks about sprinkling her work with wings & crowns, polka dots and striped legs. How her washing up was piling up in the laundry, the dishes were waiting to be done and her home was a mess.... oh! I nodded as I read that! My poor family get dinner thrown at them as I rush of with a new idea, only to get to my table and freeze or worse, get something out on paper and hate it...

I know I have talent, I know I am creative but I just can't find my 'muse' - hell, I didn't even know what a muse was until 2 months ago.. I know I am quite creative in the fabric medium because I created this:

I can create if I have a theme or a project. But to create art just for the hell of it? no way can I get what is in my heart out onto paper.... it just doesn't come out. I read books, I do journals, I worry and fret. Life was so much easier before I discovered this mixed media thing... it really was.

dot, dot * comma, comma

off to art class I went yesterday - idea in mind, canvas under arm, paints in box...... sat down and proceeded to 'gesso' my canvas *because that is what you must do* - then I sat and watched it dry..... and while I was doing that I showed the class my mixed media piece that I had done, explaining that it wasn't finished yet... my teacher just looked and said 'oh' - and it wasn't "OH!!!!" as in how wonderful - but 'oh' in a flat, dull, no tone voice... she didn't like it... it hadn't been sealed, it didn't have depth.... for heaven's sake - this will probably end up in a garage sale when I die - it isn't going to be hanging in the national art gallery, believe me.

and then she proceeded to tell me that she had art in a woman's exhibition and there was a piece done by an artist much like I was trying to achieve... so does that mean that I haven't achieved yet?

then I explained what I wanted to do with my canvas and she told me that I must sketch my idea on paper until I get it right... but I don't want it 'right' !!!

so I grabbed my oil pastels and sketched...

it is awful , nothing like I want to create as my mixed media *goddesses in my life* - nothing at all like it......but at least I was constructive and my inner child had fun creating...

please don't get me wrong, this teacher is a nice person and she is talented and I am grateful that she is trying hard to help me, she really is... but the class is too restrictive for me...the rest of the class are still doing dots and commas on cardboard!

I don't think I am going back....

faery friday. . .

Fairies dance all night long and, in the morning, rings of mushrooms may be seen. They are the boundaries of the dancing circle. Be careful not to step inside the circle, as you may enter the Fairy Realm. If you are near a ring when the fairies are dancing, you'll be drawn to it. If you enter, you will dance with the fairies, unable to stop. It may feel like only minutes, but it is, in reality, years, around 7. The only way to get out is if someone comes after you and pulls you out, while keeping their foot outside of the circle.

I didn't go to art class yesterday. I stayed home in my 'art studio' and created.... I played with my collage piece and made a woodland sprite for a one on one swap with artsy mama..... a little woodland mushroom ~ I like her. I was going to add wings but I don't think she needs them. She will be on her way on Monday

I really love creating dolls ~ I love giving them away too..... I love to make them for someone - they take on a life of their own as I begin and I really don't know where they will end up. I am sometimes suprised how they turn out.

not decoupage !!!! COLLAGE !

this is just a continuation of Mr Beans art class ._._._
during class, I mentioned that I had a photo of my nan, that I wanted to cut out and collage it to the background, along with a piece of tuille and a vintage locket or something similar. The teachers' eyes lit up, as she proceeded to tell me that she had done a decoupage course, many years ago and showed me the glue that I am supposed to use to attach the photo ~ it has to be applied on both the background and the back of the photo (which I am supposed to painstakingly cut out with teeny tiny scissors, every little point and crevice). She showed me some ivy leaves she had decoupaged to a wooden box! oh my lord, I just don't have the patience for that. I just grab any old scissors and snip away like a 5 year old. After spending hours cutting, I am then supposed to put layers and layers of decoupage stuff over the top of it to make it be like a shiny piece of glass. My teacher even told me that I could pour liquid resin over the top, to make it even more perfect.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !
that isn't what i want. I just want a mixed media thing, that I made all by myself....

I played with it yesterday, I just want to finish it so that I can get onto my goddess art work.
so without further ado -
ta-da!

I need some 'advice' from all the arty people out there in the world....
1. I want to put some kind of quote along the top - mentioning whimsy....I was thinking: "a bit of whimsy, maybe. . . sentimental ~ yes". how should I do this stamped or cut out words(if I can find them of course)
2. do I seal this? I want it to have a slight sheen, it is very matt at the moment.
3. nan needs something on her head, ???
I know as I go along, I will get more confident - well, I sure hope so.

Mr Beans art class

so, yesterday ~ off to art class I go, boring, blue background tucked under my arm, .... armed with various paints that I scrounged from Sophie - aquas, lime greens and some childrens paint brushes. Alfoil, old credit card and other bits n pieces that I thought I might use. A piece of vintage lace.
And I started to mix paint, yet again. This time, being very frugal and of course not mixing enough to dab over the blue (which by now was looking like a flat piece of blue to me) - I wanted to add something to it. So I dabbed and criss crossed (yes, very much like the Mr Bean from last week, tongue held just so) and then I ran out of paint. so i mixed more, not taking a whole lot of notice as to what I was doing and I grabbed the wrong colour and ended up with rose pink. gawd. how hard it is to be an artist. by this time the teacher was looking at me quite strangely. she asked if I was going to be hanging this on my wall. actually I have visions of opening an art gallery - ha! .....

so, this is my work so far - it has taken a whole different track to what I had in mind. I was sitting there, in class, painting, up and down, colour after colour - trying to get something that I was at least half happy with & the inner child got the better of me and I started to do spirals, the teacher said something like - 'oh' you are putting a bit of movement into the background, good.' But, still not happy with it - I then got a yellow and mixed some pumice like substance that I had bought at the art shop and did yellow circles.... I then proceeded to stencil over my vintage piece of lace.... at this point one of the other ladies cried out 'Robyn, you are so talented!' - actually made me feel a little less self concious. I painted some cups, not sure if I like them, I don't want a still life, I want mixed media collage - but I can play with it and see what I come up with.

Next week, I am planning of 'creating' my version of Mary. I reckon that could be sacreligious.
stay tuned for the decoupage escapade

heart art

this weeks art challenge for "inspire me Thursday" is heart Heart art. I like these kind of things - a challenge - it gives me a theme to run with...here is my heart art for this week:

I tried a new 'technique' that I found on the internet - inkjet transfers - fun! I don't have the key yet - but I am on the lookout for it & when I find the key that fits, I will pin it to the heart.

my 'art' class part deux

continuing on from yesterdays post ~ I forgot to tell you this: I think I am going to be the 'problem' child in this art class. I am sure I already exasperate the teacher. In two short hours !

First of all, I had all the 'wrong' things - I had an old table cloth to protect the table instead of the obligatory bath towel.

I had all my art 'stuff' in an old whicker basket instead of the plastic crate that every one else had.

I wanted a blue background but didn't have the correct blue, so she suggested I mix some of my gesso (which I bought because I liked the name - gesso - sounds very arty, me thinks) - so I started mixing, dolloping and dolloping gesso onto my plastic icecream lid (other ladies use a porcelain plate covered in gladwrap so that they can use it again) & I got some cobalt blue and happily mixed away, it was looking very much like fondant by this time - she looked at it and said ' my, you have certainly mixed alot of blue' - and yep! I had enough to paint the opera house - twice !!!

the other students suggested that I save it in a plastic container so I could use it again, they were even kind enough to give me a plastic jar, so I did what they suggested and promptly through it in the bin when I got home. I mean, how much blue paint does one need?

I have noticed that my blue background is showing signs of not being 'perfect', there are white marks where I missed. My teacher told me, that I may have to give it two coats but

1. I don't want it to be a plain blue canvas - I want to put other colours as well

and

2. I don't have any blue paint because it is in the bin!

I think that both Colette & Shell should fly quickly down here & show my teacher how they did their art. She doesn't know how Colette got all the colours on her backgroun and she is baffled over what techniques Shell has used

Oh ! and my teacher also teaches a childs class on Thursday after school & while I was painting my blue background, I asked if I could change to that class - they all looked at me like I was off the planet! but - the kids class does papier mache, finger painting, splatter painting and they make fun stuff - my inner child's dream!

don't get me wrong, my teacher is a nice lady and helpful but I am beyond her wildest nightmares.

outside the box, ladies, out side the box

sometimes, we do the dumbest things

last Saturday, I went and enrolled in a mixed media class - or so I thought - on the class list it was definately listed as Mixed Media art/folk art. My first class was yesterday. I turned up, with canvas board, large paint brushes, a copy of a photo of my nan when she was a little girl and various other bits n pieces that would result in me, creating an idea that is in my head. so I sat down - arranged all my bits much like MR Bean and noticed that we were being given a sheet of paper with instructions for folk-art. my class is a folk-art class - where ladies learn how to do commas and dots which will then be turned into flowers and other things. where they use expensive sable brushes with names like deer foot and feather brush......not my cup of tea - definately not, I told my teacher. This is what I want to create: producing two pieces of art - one made by Colette & another by Shell. Both gorgeous. Both, definately my cup of tea. THIS is what mixed media is, I informed my teacher. THIS is what I want to create - I need techniques - can you teach me? so we sat down and talked about what I wanted to do..... I am now the proud owner of a light blue background, ready to be 'techniqued' next week - all I need now are some vintage lockets.....

destroying the 'past' ?

simple abundance suggests having an illustrated discovery journal. I started one last year & I still love looking through the pages. However tearing up much loved magazines to fill the journal is difficult. Not sure why. I have about 7 years worth of UK Country Living - all piled up on a bookshelf. Each one absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous pictures and articles. I will be like that old lady who had wall to ceiling magazines - like some kind of weird insulation. Narrow hallways with books for walls. Maybe oneday it will draw people to Woodford. A maze of magazines. Where they sell teaspoons & tea-towels ... where people take you through a guided tour, telling of the history of the mad woman of Woodford (me).

I wonder why I can't bring myself to rip into them? I have been trying so hard to do it - sitting for hours, looking through each one to see if I must keep them. I have only been able to rip a few.

I guess it stems from childhood conditioning when my dad refused to let me rip up the set of encylopedias. Or any book for that matter.I needed some pictures for various projects but no, I wasn't allowed. I inherited those encylcopedias and I would not let my children destroy them either. They are now about 45 years old - and only just last year when I started playing collage did I allow myself to take some bits from them. What is the point in keeping them? Every piece of information is probably obsolete anyhow. Gee, man hadn't even landed on the moon!

Last week while ripping into the magazines that I had hoarded, I came across some gorgeous photos that I thought would look good for a background. I took some words as well and made this in my journal.

I seem to always use the same photo of myself, I guess because the look on my face says it all.

poetry, rain....and a reason

last night it rained...the drops made noises on our roof and I grabbed my camera, raced outside hoping to capture the moment. It rained all night & is still raining. lovely soaking rain.

The plants are sighing with relief. I am sure I can actually hear them. This rain is good as on the weekend, I was planning on mulching heavily again so I will be able to trap this moisture in.

haven't been doing a whole lot - I started a collage and also an altered book and then tried my hand at haiku - ooh, how hard is that? Mine are definately not ready to be leashed upon the unsuspecting blogging world, that is for sure. I admire those of you who take part in the haiku challenge! I was never really interested in poetry in highschool, gee, I wish I had listened to my teacher now. But I will keep on trying ~ it actually soothes me when I am trying to create a haiku, so I guess that is a good thing.
Otherwise, I have alot of ideas going on in my head, some lovely ideas for totes ! - was thinking of selling on etsy and I know all of you encouraged me, but do I want to put myself under pressure? because I will, I know it. I was going to start selling on the next full moon, so I will just see what happens.

I went to see a naturopath yesterday, seems my adrenals are over worked - ha! At least the adrenals explain why I am so tired, exhausted and teary. It was good to sit down with someone and tell them all about how I was feeling & be able to be 'poor me' without feeling guilty & then be told the reason why I am feeling like I am. It all makes sense. I am now taking a foul tasting herbal tonic as well as having to cut down on cups of tea! gawd. I also have to take some me time each day - to sit somewhere or take a walk and just be. by myself! I know I have to get myself back into my healthy lifestyle and I will. 2007 is the year to do it!

guardian of the past

I don't know why but I want to sell on etsy - I want to sell my dolls again. Plus other stuff I make.......this is the doll that I dreamed about ~ this is the doll that I am sure the angels wanted me to make. Sounds like I am an odd ball but I am not. what I am doing, is taking inspiration that I dream about and putting it into something solid, instead of ignoring it and then finding someone else has grabbed my dream from out in the ether and ran with it. Leaving me thinking 'hey, I dreamed about that a few nights ago!' ~ any feedback on her? she will come with a few crystals to help heal past issues & to heal the hurts plus a crystal that will be chosen specially for the buyer - and a little bag that you can write down anything you wish to heal. She has been 'infused' with angelic healing. I want to add a few more vintage bits but what do you think so far?

my 'medium'

I guess fabric is my medium -

a few weeks ago, I got a message from my angels ~ to make healing dolls for others...... as I feel the need. so I got to it and made a few, playing with different ideas.... I go off into a different space when I play with fabric. This one is sitting on my angel altar right now, being infused with angelic healing. Then she is on her way to New York!

haven't found it yet

just an update - gawd, this is like talking to myself - but it is good to get it out.
I guess I could put all this in my journal but the comments help me !
I just sit and look at this collage this morning, forcing myself to do something wonderful or even just something, anything. so I paint, cut glue and all that - squeezing the skeric of creativity from my soul......but then I got to thinking - maybe I need to make myself a healing doll. Maybe I am meant to just lookat other peoples art, mixed media and such and sighing with delight. Letting it touch my soul - maybe, just maybe that is what I am supposed to be doing. who the hell knows, cause I don't. I have this dreadful ache in my chest from anxiety about it all and this morning, I thought I was having heart attack, I truly did. for what? cause I can't collage. silly, silly me.
I can do altered art for others - love that! I can make healing dolls for others as well as myself. I can write and doodle in my journal and not worry - the card I picked today from my angel guidance cards was :release and surrender....guess I should take note!

finding my own style

working on my new journal the past two days has been frustrating for me. As I said before, I stress if it is not 'right' ~ Last year, I had too many journals going and thought i would just have one this year - with my thoughts, my 'artwork' and all those gorgeous bits n pieces that I find in magazines and such. I also have a writing pad next to my bed for dreams. Plus my Book of shadows which is ongoing... BUT I am having a difficult time finding my own style - in mixed media and collaging - I am inspired by so many out there - Colette: I adore her work - it is so serene and peaceful~ I want to create like her! Then there is Kansas Rose - gorgeous work ~ Soul of Hope - love that too and Teesha Moore - well if I could just create work like hers. I understand totally that our work comes from our own inner creative soul. JUST HOW do you find it ? I know I am creative ~ Give me a doll & I can create and imagine and make my own ideas come flowing out like a flooding river - give me a paint brush and my creative streak literally freezes.
I am not sure if I am expecting too much, or there are too many ideas in my head, or if I have not one ounce of artistic talent in my bones. I went out and bought some watercolours and other stuff yesterday but each time I try to paint or collage it looks stupid to me. the paint isn't the right colour or it all looks too contrived ~ it makes me sad not to be able to get this bubble out. The online course will help, I am sure ~ any suggestions or books or anything else that may help me ?