what dreams are made of :~

last year, when I was busy being attuned to reiki and taking course after course on various healing modalities and being told by Doreen Virtue that I had a 'divine life purpose' - all I was doing really, was stressing myself out... I became a reiki 'master' in 3 easy lessons and virtually ran around thinking I was going to heal the world...... forgetting about me.

After the 'let down' with the Doreen Virtue Angel Intuitive course (yes, I am an AI) ... I continued on, searching for whatever it was that I was supposed to be 'doing' here ....... and oneday, I was outside, thinking to myself,and asking again, what the damn hell my divine life purpose was and if I really had one. . . and I heard clearly - "this life you are here to be healed, not to be the healer" - it really was like a bolt of lightning, very plainly stated - by angels, I believe..... so the end of 2006 came and 2007 rolled in ......

the other night - I was 'asleep' and I saw myself in a green forest surrounded with faeries - I was a healer. I was a woman and I had bags hanging off my rope belt. It seemed that I was hidden in the forest by the faery folk - I was human and people from nearby villages would come to me for potions and wisdom & healing.

Waking up - I thought to myself - just what the hell is my life purpose this time? I heard a voice, distinctly saying - "physician heal thy self" - and now I know, that this life IS a healing one for ME- I have all the healing tools or knowledge inside and they will be revealed as I need them. No one else can heal me, I don't have to give my power away to anyone - I have all the answers for me.

All my life, I have pondered herbs, weeds, rocks & stones... mixing up potions in a bowl when I was a child... wrapping the potions around my teddy's leg.. I had altars & I had beads and I got immense pleasure from doing 'voodoo' dances, much to my mothers horror, she thought I was on the road straight to hell (of course, she thought this only because of society's conditioning) ....... it is like I have all this knowledge inside from previous incarnations - and now, I am beginning to think that maybe this 'life' that I saw was somewhere in Wales or maybe even Cornwall ....definately somewhere in a Celtic land

if only

this was sent by one of the many yahoo groups that I am in *

Obligations of the True Path Walkers

To bring back the natural harmony that humans once enjoyed.
To save the planet from present practices of destruction.
To find and re-employ real truth.
To promote true balance between both genders.
To share and be less materialistic.
To become rid of prejudice.
To learn to be related.

To be kind to animals and take no more than we need.
To play with one's children and love each equally and fairly.
To be brave and courageous, enough so,
to take a stand and make a commitment.
To understand what Generations Unborn really means.
To accept the Great Mystery
in order to end foolish argument over religion.

~Author unknown to me~

our spirits

this is what I wrote in my journal yesterday - I am working a collage around it. I am not sure where I found this - it could have been sent in an email to me or I found it on one of the million or so yahoo groups I am in..... it is just perfect, me thinks

There is a free spirit and a true spirit within each of us

Our free spirit wants to kiss the wind whenever it gently touches our lives....

It wants to sail away to some enchanted paradise........

Our true spirit wants to embrace the moon and stars and cherish their magick....

It is the combination of both our free spirit and our true spirit that enables us to discover the mysteries of our soul.....

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

thoughts ~ from my journal & gratitude...

I am doing quite well with this simple abundance journey - I don't always remember to write my gratitude down but I do notice alot of the little things in life, which really aren't that little ~

take for instance the citrus butterfly that I saw this week - my grandson Thomas pointed it out to me - "grandma, look at that huge butterfly on your rose" and there it was gently fanning its gorgeous wings, drying them from the downpour earlier that morning.... so I turned the car off and we stood there, just watching....

I have felt overwhelming thanks & gratitude this week, deep in my heart and soul ...

I was told this week to go out into my garden, early each morning and to smell a rose - to breathe in deeply - the perfume of a rose changes the vibration of the cells in your body and brings peace to your soul.......
take this if you will...... (if not, don't email me and tell me I am nuts)

"sometime in life you will go on a journey

It will be the longest journey you have ever taken

It is the journey to find yourself"

~Katherine Sharpe~

And I am very thankful that my soul chose this journey of mine, hard as it is sometimes. I am also thankful that I live on earth in the age of the internet....where I receive support from women, very much like me, who live across the other side of the world. And when I cry out for help, they are there in an instant, surrounding me with love, hugs and friendship.

a yearning. . .

before you read any further, I am warning you that this post is straight from my head. You see, I have been vacuuming, and thinking and this has been worrying me for awhile and I NEED TO GET IT OUT..... not sure if it will make any sense at all.

I have a thirst in my soul, a yearning in my heart. That needs to be filled and I don't know how. It is not something that being with people can fix or things can fill. I ache with a loneliness deep in my soul. Creating 'stuff' helps to relieve the pain, sometimes. I am not depressed at all... I feel quite joyful actually, quite bubbly inside but sometimes I could just about cry with frustration of this thirst. I need help. I need to be guided and shown where to go, what to do and I need help in remembering to ask for help & guidance when I need it... the angels tell me that often....
I have tried lots & lots of things.... different healing modalities and various religions.... but NOT ONE fills the hole... oh they do for a short while... but then there is that niggling that I mentioned and I start to thirst.
I need a spiritual mentor..... someone who I can bare my soul to and maybe they can help me along the way.
I want to journal for my soul, I want to write and read poetry, paint and draw for my soul.... I want to create an altered book that feeds my soul, speaks to my soul and helps my souls thirst..... so, if you are listening God, angels or whoever is in charge of it all.... can ya help?

from my journal & a peek at what I am grateful for this week

starting the simple abundance journey this time, has been so far for me, like unlocking a cupboard that has been closed for years - you knew what was inside but had forgotten just how special some of the things were.

me at age 10? I was a serious child like I had the worlds problems on my shoulders and in many ways I guess I did - well so I thought. I had a handful of friends, I wasn't little miss popular but to that handful I was loyal. .

Sometimes I feel inadequate with this constant searching of mine. I 'arrive' at a comfortable place in my spiritual journey and I feel settled, like I have found what I have been looking for and I relax & sigh. Then, the niggling starts again, like my soul is tempting me, come, there is more...... and then as I travel I feel like I am alone, to seek and find.

I like the term that was used this week - inner safari. I cannot wait to discover myself......

I noticed alot to be grateful for this week but just didn't get to writing it in my journal.... but living here, in the Blue Mountains, a World heritage area. A place where I can really feel the soul of Mother Earth.... for that I am thankful - a thanks from deep withing my heart and soul..... take a peek at what I saw on my walk.......

all of the photos above were taken at dusk at Echo Point in Katoomba, home to the world famous Three Sisters..... Joe and I often walk to Echo Point and have dinner looking at these views... how lucky we are!

I am not a professional photographer and my camera is a fairly basic digital Kodak... but I play and took these two photos of the Three Sisters.

the gratitude journal

oh gawd, what a week! full moon sent me bonkers. is it all in my head? but as low as I felt, I still had time to find gratitude for the blessings in my life. just last night my daughter Sophie was looking at me and said ' you know mum, you are really pretty' - I was taken aback. I had a little bit of makeup on, not much and my hair was up but I didn't feel pretty - I felt old and haggard. her remark made me cry.

I also am grateful for the emails that I received - some of them hit home for sure. one email said in part :- "it's all just like the school playground really, one week someone is flavour of the month, next week someone brings in a new toy and everyone is all over them like a rash, then a new girl arrives and everyone wants to be best friends and someone else gets neglected..." and another: "Perhaps you just need to cave for a while? Perhaps you're giving away too much energy right now and need to be inside just you and your life for a bit?Remember, the energy in women's lives waxes and wanes. Sometimes we can give, sometimes we need to retreat."
and so many more kind, thoughtful words. words that made me think. and I am grateful for each one. ....

so ...while reading today's entry in Simple Abundance - I realised that I don't know how to 'pray' or talk to whoever it is that we are supposed to talk to.....I was indoctrinated as a child with the 'on your knees, thanking & fearing God and asking him to bless everyone except yourself' and I have never progressed from there. I am not talking religion here (hate, hate that word and all that goes with it) I am talking spirituality. I was brought up with an awful, fearing God - oh we sang all the lovely songs at sunday school and I never understood why in the songs He was supposed to be bringing joy into my heart when inside my soul, I was quaking in my boots from fear, hell and damnation. and I am still waiting to rejoice after bringing in my sheaves whatever the hell they are.

I treat myself just like that - I judge myself and make myself fearful to a point of insanity, me thinks

oh yes, I go through the motions, contemplating, reflecting and all that but I never reach out to whatever it is out there that is bigger than me - Goddess, God, universe, * call it what you will. I try to handle stuff myself. I forget to ask for help, or more it is that I don't know how. And I never completely put my trust in whoever we are supposed to put our trust in
-hopefully with the help of simple abundance, I can learn to put my trust in whatever I am supposed to and find inner peace, because I so want to!

what a mouthful all that was!

destroying the 'past' ?

simple abundance suggests having an illustrated discovery journal. I started one last year & I still love looking through the pages. However tearing up much loved magazines to fill the journal is difficult. Not sure why. I have about 7 years worth of UK Country Living - all piled up on a bookshelf. Each one absolutely gorgeous. Gorgeous pictures and articles. I will be like that old lady who had wall to ceiling magazines - like some kind of weird insulation. Narrow hallways with books for walls. Maybe oneday it will draw people to Woodford. A maze of magazines. Where they sell teaspoons & tea-towels ... where people take you through a guided tour, telling of the history of the mad woman of Woodford (me).

I wonder why I can't bring myself to rip into them? I have been trying so hard to do it - sitting for hours, looking through each one to see if I must keep them. I have only been able to rip a few.

I guess it stems from childhood conditioning when my dad refused to let me rip up the set of encylopedias. Or any book for that matter.I needed some pictures for various projects but no, I wasn't allowed. I inherited those encylcopedias and I would not let my children destroy them either. They are now about 45 years old - and only just last year when I started playing collage did I allow myself to take some bits from them. What is the point in keeping them? Every piece of information is probably obsolete anyhow. Gee, man hadn't even landed on the moon!

Last week while ripping into the magazines that I had hoarded, I came across some gorgeous photos that I thought would look good for a background. I took some words as well and made this in my journal.

I seem to always use the same photo of myself, I guess because the look on my face says it all.

bye, bye 2006

I stand in faith and train my gaze on a positive future as though it were already there.

have a wonderful New Years eve!

tomorrow we welcome the New Year

and I am one year older!

the guest house ~ recommended

a few days ago Katie Kendrick mentioned this poem to me. reading it, she said, helped her get through those days when she was feeling, well, not ok.

* it was one of MY days of feeling 'slightly mental'

never hearing of it nor the author, I looked it up on the net ~ and gee - this could have been written for me! You see, I am usually a joyful soul, but sometimes I feel melancholy, sad, anger & intolerance. And I have been fighting these feelings, feeling guilty for having the not so nice emotions. I am also a person who puts their full self out there, who wears their heart on their sleeve & often I am misunderstood. but when I read and re-read this poem - I realized that I am ok, it is alright to feel all of these emotions as they make me who I am - and even better - by accepting all of these emotions - I am being healed and helped 'from beyond'

thankyou Katie xo


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi~