"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

Sunday, December 31, 2006

bye, bye 2006

I stand in faith and train my gaze on a positive future as though it were already there.

have a wonderful New Years eve!
tomorrow we welcome the New Year
and I am one year older!

a little help

we all need a little help sometimes - whether it be from friends or something else. at the moment I am getting some help & support from Dr Bach. I am lucky enough to have someone close to make up my remedies. At first, I thought I needed just about every remedy and had to choose six only. For this time in my life I chose Beech, Vervain, Gentian, Impatiens, white chestnut and cerato. BACH FLOWERS over the next few days as time permits, I am going to post about each of these flower remedies - for my own information.

here in Australia we have our own bush flower essences but I find that for me at this point in time, the Bach flowers are what call to me - for whatever reason ( I am thinking because my 'problems or issues' seem to be ones I have brought with me into this life from past lives (yes, it can happen) and I did live somewhere over in the Northern Hemisphere.....maybe I was a druid?)......

Saturday, December 30, 2006

gritting my teeth & accepting what will be

for a few months, I thought I had bandicoots in my yard - digging holes under trees, scattering mulch everywhere - but no, it is an english blackbird and not only do I have one, it seems I have a whole family of the damn things. I think they are the same ones that delivered my faery gift from Daisy & I think they liked it so much here, that they decided to set up home. Ahh yes, they have a beautiful song and I love birdlife BUT - this bird takes great delight in getting into my garden, especially along the pathways and having a wonderful old time throwing lucerne mulch, this way & that. and does it throw it on the garden? NO. I sat and watched it this morning, through my kitchen window and it gets a piece of hay, and tosses it with wild abandon onto the path - not one piece but every single piece ~ one by one.... so I go and sweep it back into the garden, the bird flies off, watches me and when I am inside - back it comes and does it again. I have cursed and cursed this bird, each time I have sweep the mulch back but this morning, I noticed that it was actually getting snails. SNAILS! I have changed my mind about the blackbird now, of course, 'cause I hate snails. Have done for quite awhile - heck, I even blogged about it once before hating snails...... so I will continue to sweep the mulch back & grit my teeth as I go & keep thinking to myself - everything happens for a reason & some things in life are just sent to try us !!!!

as I approach my twilight years

there comes a time in our lives when we realize that enough is enough and we need help. Or it has for me. Just the other day, my eldest daughter expressed concern about how frazzled I am - that I shouldn't be feeling like this as I approach my 'twilight years' ('scuse me? twilight years?)
I have been trying for many, many years to 'work myself out' ~ the past two years have been quite stressful for me - to the point that my shoulders are like boulders - stiff & unmoving. I have massages every two weeks and try to relax with meditation. I light candles and burn incense - enough to contribute to global warming! But the time has come for me to get serious, I have said before that I am wanting to be simple - to start looking after me, first. And then life happens as it tends to and I forget about ME. I tend to take everyone's problems on board, the fixer in life ' . I have searched for my life purpose, I am not sure if we even have one. Every day, I have a different 'belief' ~ reading something, somewhere and thinking 'yes!' then reading something else that resonates as well. I use affirmations - someone told me to find an affirmation and to repeat it like a mantra as I go to sleep - can I choose one affirmation? OH NO! not me - I pick many - and then like a demented person, repeat them all as I drift onto what is loosely called sleep - worrying if I have missed something that I should be affirming. Even with bach flower essences - I read up on those and in the end have nearly every essence marked to be made into a remedy for me. I don't think they work that way. I am confused and don't really know what I believe. I don't know what is in my heart. I don't know who I am. I want to be peaceful & serene. So I have made myself a promise - beginning next year (yes, I like to start things at an appropriate time, I am not a 'no time like the present girl) ~ I am going to really seriously look after myself. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Friday, December 29, 2006

the guest house ~ recommended

a few days ago Katie Kendrick mentioned this poem to me. reading it, she said, helped her get through those days when she was feeling, well, not ok.
* it was one of MY days of feeling 'slightly mental'

never hearing of it nor the author, I looked it up on the net ~ and gee - this could have been written for me! You see, I am usually a joyful soul, but sometimes I feel melancholy, sad, anger & intolerance. And I have been fighting these feelings, feeling guilty for having the not so nice emotions. I am also a person who puts their full self out there, who wears their heart on their sleeve & often I am misunderstood. but when I read and re-read this poem - I realized that I am ok, it is alright to feel all of these emotions as they make me who I am - and even better - by accepting all of these emotions - I am being healed and helped 'from beyond'
thankyou Katie xo

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi~

Sunday, December 24, 2006

2006 moves into 2007

what a year 2006 has been for me! at the beginning of 2006 my plan was to be ~ 'simple and selfish' but instead it became an emotional rollercoaster - sometimes so much so, that I was beginning to wonder if I was totally insane. But over the past few months - charting the moon with the help of Daisy Lupin - it seems that I am affected by the dark of the moon. very much so.
I tend to take on peoples pain. This is ok - it is just not good when I don't know how to handle it.
When I turn the computer off but can't turn the emotions connected to blogging off. When I forget to white light myself, when I forget to protect my aura and when I forget to ask Archangel Michael to cut the cords. It causes me severe spiritual anguish. AND NOW I SOUND LIKE A REAL NUTTER but believe me, I am perfectly normal. why do I keep saying that? to convince myself?
so without further ado - I welcome 2007. my year !! at last.