my coming to the goddess age

oh lord, this Croning ceremony, has taken off like a runaway train! I decided to open another blog dedicated to my croning and wanted online friends to participate... however - I will have to limit the numbers (to 13) that are actually a part of receiving the gift from me on my birthday (january 1) due to the high postage costs.... unfortunately the quota has been reached but you can read all about the process here:
coming into the goddess age

and as we go along, I would love if you would like to participate in any way you wish to!

blessed B xo

the Croning

it is just under six months til I reach 50 years of age! as most of my readers know, I have struggled for a year or two with all manner of emotions. In 2001, I was put into instant menopause at age 43 - radiation killing my ovaries. So for the past few years I have been taking HRT, sporadically. When I forget to take it - I am a raving and ranting lunatic - falling prey to a melancholy that is just awful - couple that with being severely influenced by the moon - well, I am sure you all know...
quite a few of you have supported me through my ups and downs - giving sage advice when I ask - emails that sometimes touch me to the very core....

* a friend emailed me a few months back - talking about my age, approaching normal menopause. She likes to think of it as the "goddess" age instead of the crone.

in her words:

""Most people call it the "Crone stage" ~ I call it the Goddess stage, because when you think about it, you can only become a Goddess when you have enough life experience. Goddess is so much nicer than crone, more stately and commanding. We must always remember we are remarkable, experienced, commanding women, that have battled through life and should now be due some serenity

WELCOME TO THE CLUB I have never talked about it because the other person has to achieve it themselves, it happens in its own time and won' t be hurried.
From now on you can learn everything again from you Goddess perspective. Just relax and enjoy.""

so coming up to 50, I am going to plan a Croning Ceremony. I have been reading about it in a book I have - Sacred Ceremony by Steven Farmer ~ not sure how I will do it but I am planning on having a little online ceremony here on my blog, somehow - I hope you will all come and celebrate with me!

and yet another belief of mine ~ totem animals

sometimes people think I am weird, yes truly they do! They come to my home and begin to wonder about my sanity. You see, I cover all bases with my spiritual beliefs. I have statues of Mary, Joseph and St Therese scattered about my home. I have crucifixes and rosary beads - bells & tassles. I have altars to various gods scattered about my home.

My main altar is my heart belief - wiccan/pagan.

I have the Goddess Kwan Yin in my bathroom, buddhist prayer flags hanging around my home, I burn incense and on my front door I have oak twigs tied with red ribbon. I grid my home with crystals and I cast spells when I feel the urge. I talk to dead people and sometimes they answer. I believe I am surrounded by fairies, sometimes I can feel their sparkly larkles around me. Sometimes, I even question my own sanity.
until something happens to make me realize that it is not my imagination at all.....

I went to a meditation a few nights ago for a healing of a friend and I 'saw' a wolf and called him in... the next day - the friend who had the healing - pulled the wolf card from her card pack...
when I attended the Doreen Virtue seminar last year - I bought a book by her husband about power animals and it resonated with my soul.....
just last week a friend sent me this link to find your power animal - it is a wonderful tool... for those times when you need a little help & guidance from our animal friends (turn your sound on)
the enchanted forest

a new moon, a new beginning

a new moon today - is there any better time to start anew? a time to let go of negative ways.....

I had to step back from blogging taking a little time away to think. over the past few months, blogging for me became a frenzied activity. I was hyperventilating, stressing and becoming sad - trying to visit blogs so that I wouldn't upset anyone.... and all the time, I was upsetting myself. I was not enjoying it at all....after much contemplation, I decided that I really do enjoy blogging - and I am going to try with all my might, to do it for me - no-one else.

of course I will still be blogging my thoughts and how I feel, but I think I will turn comments off for those posts as they are really just my thoughts that I need to get down...and what better place than here?

so with that said ~ today is a special day for me in many ways...it is my mum's birthday, my 19th wedding anniversary and today, 6 years ago I heard the words - 'Robyn, you have cancer'. I have decided that being a new moon I am starting anew with my attitude towards life. I was never a bitter person, ever, but just lately I have become more and more bitter towards what life has dealt me. And I am really not like that at all. Being human, I am sure I will stumble and fall but when I do, I am going to pick myself up, brush my knees off and get on with it. I will nurture myself of course. On those days that my 'cancer head' rears up, I will thank it for the experience and send it on its way. I must, otherwise I will end up a bitter old crone instead of the pixie-faery that I truly am.

a yearning. . .

before you read any further, I am warning you that this post is straight from my head. You see, I have been vacuuming, and thinking and this has been worrying me for awhile and I NEED TO GET IT OUT..... not sure if it will make any sense at all.

I have a thirst in my soul, a yearning in my heart. That needs to be filled and I don't know how. It is not something that being with people can fix or things can fill. I ache with a loneliness deep in my soul. Creating 'stuff' helps to relieve the pain, sometimes. I am not depressed at all... I feel quite joyful actually, quite bubbly inside but sometimes I could just about cry with frustration of this thirst. I need help. I need to be guided and shown where to go, what to do and I need help in remembering to ask for help & guidance when I need it... the angels tell me that often....
I have tried lots & lots of things.... different healing modalities and various religions.... but NOT ONE fills the hole... oh they do for a short while... but then there is that niggling that I mentioned and I start to thirst.
I need a spiritual mentor..... someone who I can bare my soul to and maybe they can help me along the way.
I want to journal for my soul, I want to write and read poetry, paint and draw for my soul.... I want to create an altered book that feeds my soul, speaks to my soul and helps my souls thirst..... so, if you are listening God, angels or whoever is in charge of it all.... can ya help?

for those of you who asked..... a legend. . .

after my post yesterday, I had many emails asking about the Three Sisters. Yes, there is a legend. I also have a spiritual tie to Katoomba - when I go there, I feel emotional and spiritually connected. I go there nearly every day so I can just be there and absorb the energy. I often comment on it to Joe - how it makes me feel, sometimes it makes me cry with sheer 'oneness'

and didn't have a clue what it was until my 'wise woman' pointed out that it could be a power center or vortex for me and yes! I think that is it....it really makes my heart 'shiver & tingle' with pure emotional spirituality (if that makes sense)

The Aboriginal dream-time legend has it that three sisters, 'Meehni', 'Wimlah' and Gunnedoo' lived in the Jamison Valley as members of the Katoomba tribe.

These beautiful young ladies had fallen in love with three brothers from the Nepean tribe,

yet tribal law forbade them to marry.


The brothers were not happy to accept this law

and so decided to use force to capture the three sisters causing a major tribal battle.

As the lives of the three sisters were seriously in danger,

a witchdoctor from the Katoomba tribe took it upon himself

to turn the three sisters into stone

to protect them from any harm.

While he had intended to reverse the spell

when the battle was over,

the witchdoctor himself was killed.

As only he could reverse the spell

to return the ladies to their former beauty,

the sisters remain in their magnificent rock formation

as a reminder of this battle for generations to come.

I actually have faith

I am back because I read this:
faith and also this: create a connection

poetry, rain....and a reason

last night it rained...the drops made noises on our roof and I grabbed my camera, raced outside hoping to capture the moment. It rained all night & is still raining. lovely soaking rain.

The plants are sighing with relief. I am sure I can actually hear them. This rain is good as on the weekend, I was planning on mulching heavily again so I will be able to trap this moisture in.

haven't been doing a whole lot - I started a collage and also an altered book and then tried my hand at haiku - ooh, how hard is that? Mine are definately not ready to be leashed upon the unsuspecting blogging world, that is for sure. I admire those of you who take part in the haiku challenge! I was never really interested in poetry in highschool, gee, I wish I had listened to my teacher now. But I will keep on trying ~ it actually soothes me when I am trying to create a haiku, so I guess that is a good thing.
Otherwise, I have alot of ideas going on in my head, some lovely ideas for totes ! - was thinking of selling on etsy and I know all of you encouraged me, but do I want to put myself under pressure? because I will, I know it. I was going to start selling on the next full moon, so I will just see what happens.

I went to see a naturopath yesterday, seems my adrenals are over worked - ha! At least the adrenals explain why I am so tired, exhausted and teary. It was good to sit down with someone and tell them all about how I was feeling & be able to be 'poor me' without feeling guilty & then be told the reason why I am feeling like I am. It all makes sense. I am now taking a foul tasting herbal tonic as well as having to cut down on cups of tea! gawd. I also have to take some me time each day - to sit somewhere or take a walk and just be. by myself! I know I have to get myself back into my healthy lifestyle and I will. 2007 is the year to do it!

thoughts on my yesterday

after my manic panic on Wednesday ~ I took myself off to a 'spiritual healer' ~ searching for the ever elusive answer to what makes me tick. She believes we are our thoughts, she does not believe that the moon affects us nor does she believe that our past lives have any affect on us ~ (me:yes, no, no) ~ However - she did say that it is important for us to follow our own path - to take from various sources and take what resonates with us. Yes, I can accept that. She gave me some 'techniques' to get in tune with my higher self, my authentic self, call it what you will. I am feeling ok with this so far * it is sitting well, I woke this morning thinking ~ "thankyou for this day * I am happy to be here" - went and did my meditation and opened a book for some daily guidance:

"there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so ~ change your thoughts and you change your world" ~ thankyou Mr Shakespeare

2007 - my year

first up I have booked into an online visual journal course.

I am quite excited about this, because even though, I know in my head HOW to journal - I know I am too rigid, I don't let my inner child express herself as she should - the ego tells her to keep it neat & edits the words so they are not coming from her heart. Just yesterday when I was starting my new journal for 2007 - I tore out 3 pages while working in it. I am way too controlled. I can't let me self go.

I feel that by receiving some help with techniques, I may be able to 'let go', have fun & enjoy this journalling thing that I desperately want to create.
this is the link to the course I have joined.
viusal journey workshop

a little help

we all need a little help sometimes - whether it be from friends or something else. at the moment I am getting some help & support from Dr Bach. I am lucky enough to have someone close to make up my remedies. At first, I thought I needed just about every remedy and had to choose six only. For this time in my life I chose Beech, Vervain, Gentian, Impatiens, white chestnut and cerato. BACH FLOWERS over the next few days as time permits, I am going to post about each of these flower remedies - for my own information.

here in Australia we have our own bush flower essences but I find that for me at this point in time, the Bach flowers are what call to me - for whatever reason ( I am thinking because my 'problems or issues' seem to be ones I have brought with me into this life from past lives (yes, it can happen) and I did live somewhere over in the Northern Hemisphere.....maybe I was a druid?)......