"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

Saturday, December 30, 2006

as I approach my twilight years


there comes a time in our lives when we realize that enough is enough and we need help. Or it has for me. Just the other day, my eldest daughter expressed concern about how frazzled I am - that I shouldn't be feeling like this as I approach my 'twilight years' ('scuse me? twilight years?)
I have been trying for many, many years to 'work myself out' ~ the past two years have been quite stressful for me - to the point that my shoulders are like boulders - stiff & unmoving. I have massages every two weeks and try to relax with meditation. I light candles and burn incense - enough to contribute to global warming! But the time has come for me to get serious, I have said before that I am wanting to be simple - to start looking after me, first. And then life happens as it tends to and I forget about ME. I tend to take everyone's problems on board, the fixer in life ' . I have searched for my life purpose, I am not sure if we even have one. Every day, I have a different 'belief' ~ reading something, somewhere and thinking 'yes!' then reading something else that resonates as well. I use affirmations - someone told me to find an affirmation and to repeat it like a mantra as I go to sleep - can I choose one affirmation? OH NO! not me - I pick many - and then like a demented person, repeat them all as I drift onto what is loosely called sleep - worrying if I have missed something that I should be affirming. Even with bach flower essences - I read up on those and in the end have nearly every essence marked to be made into a remedy for me. I don't think they work that way. I am confused and don't really know what I believe. I don't know what is in my heart. I don't know who I am. I want to be peaceful & serene. So I have made myself a promise - beginning next year (yes, I like to start things at an appropriate time, I am not a 'no time like the present girl) ~ I am going to really seriously look after myself. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.

10 comments:

Lisa said...

You are intelligent and you care about your soul. That is just asking for trouble. :) I wish I knew some magic words to help you find the peace you are looking for. Sometimes I feel that peace just sneaks up on us and then we wonder why we were looking so hard.

My life did get easier when I stopped trying to fix everyone or make everyone happy. It's not my job and it's just not possible anyway. Now it's more my goal just not to make anyone unhappy. lol Much easier but even that is not possible at all times.

Lots of love out here for ya...and a little tiny something is on its way to you as of two hours or so ago. :)

paris parfait said...

Darling Robyn, you are way too young to be considered in your twilight years! But you must be as good to yourself as you are to all of us! Wishing you all the best with your lovely new blog and in YOUR new year! xo

Gill said...

What a divine new blog Miss R.
I love it!
Hard to believe someone would email you and speak their mind. Perhaps they should look into a mirror???
Keep on posting we love you!
xo

Sheila said...

Blue speaks for me too...!!

Daisy Lupin said...

You are no where near your twilight years, I'm not and you are younger than me. I'm not ready to doze by the fire, dribbling and smoking a pipe, talking about my young days. But, I do agree with taking care of yourself before you try to take care of the everyone. Put yourself first this year, you deserve it.

Heather said...

It is always a challenge to look after myself when there are others who might need me more. I am taking up this challenge to and I am also going to make an effort to look after myself emotionally, physically and spiritually!

A bird in the hand said...

Twilight years??????? Whoa!
No no no. Not yet.

I found peace when I stopped worrying about what others think, when I decided this is who I am and I'm good enough, I can improve but I cannot please everyone. In other words, I relaxed my shoulders and started taking care of myself. Little by little, step by step.

Here's to a brand new year. xoxo

Maggii said...

Oh My...you are soo much like me it's scary.....I tell myself the same things everyear...and make the same resolution every year....

Maggii said...

BTW I agree with Colette...I think the key is to stop worrying what 'others" think of me...and just be myself....just be ourselves warts and all....rather then trying to conform to what will be pleasing to everyone else...

Janet said...

If you're in your twilight years I must be somewhere in the dead of night!! I had to laugh at that one. Kids!!
I have dedicated 2007 to the year of me. I plan to work on my health both physical and spiritual. Maybe if we are all concentrating on those things in our own lives it will help each of us to achieve our goal.