I sit and wonder what life is all about, often. I know that death is as much part of life as is birth.... it is just another stage of our souls journey but I wonder why we hurt so much when death occurs.... I have been faced with death twice in this life
and I have had many people close to me die but each time it happens - it is like a stab to my heart. I grieve and I hurt.
the past few days have been emotionally hard for me - not because any one really close to me died - .... but the deaths during the past week, brought back my hurts, they reminded me of the raw grief that I went through when I was widowed at 19.... and although I am now married to my soul mate - that grief is a scar on my soul.
same with cancer - yes, I am a survivor. But each time someone dies from cancer, I feel guilty. I feel guilty for surviving and nothing anyone can say will stop that occuring - it is a perfectly natural emotion. so i am told.
It is 6 years on the 19th of March since I heard the words -"Robyn, we have found cancer" - a day that will always be an anniversary for me - 6 yrs, 20 yrs or 40 yrs on. It will remind me that no-one is immune from cancer. Not one person.
I believe each experience in life does leave a scar - it heals but it is always there to remind us. at the moment, I don't feel like blogging much either - funny that... cause I am usually a chatter box - but the past week has made me re-think things. I wonder why. The things that have happened over the past week weren't even directly associated to me but they have opened up alot of pondering, I guess.
I went to the funeral on Friday & silly me forgot to 'protect' myself. I usually do a white light protection to prevent me taking on anyone elses emotions. This time, I forgot and consequently I 'absorbed' alot of grief that was not my own. So I have spent the last day, doing cleansings and grounding myself.
I don't even know where I am going blogging wise at the moment. I don' t have alot to say and I am tired, spiritually. I won't say that I am giving blogging away, cause I don't think I will, but like I said who knows where I am going . . . .
6 comments:
I'm sorry. Cancer has taken a lot of people from me that I love. It actually took one of the most important people in my life, and it's a wound that will never heal. And we've prayed a lot over my cousin's daughter - but she seems to be cancer free at the moment. Cancer is a big one in our family and it scares me to death.
Whatever is going on with you - I wish there was something I could do. If there is and you can think of it - let me know.
Sometimes a person just needs to regroup.
hugs.
Sweetheart, just chill until you're feeling better. You've been through so much - and it's normal to be sad and want to cocoon for a bit. Thinking of you and yours. Better days ahead! xo
I want to say something to make you feel better, but what. Because I have not experienced the illness you went through, I can't comment on the guilt that you seem to feel when you hear of someone who succumbed to it.I wonder if part of it is fear that it could have been you, could still be you. Add to that the grief of losing a friend or family member and it has to be awful.The sad thing is the older we get, the more we are going to experience this. I want to say enjoy the life you have, count your blessings, but I know you well enough to know that if it was that easy you would do it.It's difficult to discuss this in the form of a comment, but sometimes we just need to talk and ramble and get our feelings out, and that helps. Please don't feel you can't post because you don't have a direction...just do what you are doing as long as it helps.Don't beat yourself up for being human and open and honest, we should all be as true to ourselves as you are. Sadly we are not.
If you need to talk, we'll be here ready to listen. If you need quiet 'alone' time, we'll wait for you till you're ready to return. Do whatever feels right and healing for you, sweet Robyn - and we'll be here still cheering you on. Sending you love, prayers and ((hugs))
XOXO
You are brave, it takes courage to take on a new day. LIzzzzzzzzzzzzy
March is a very difficult month for me: the month I was separated from my mother as a child, and the month I was widowed when my 25-year-old husband was murdered. I can only tell you that if you fight and have faith, eventually you will celebrate the lives lost rather than mourn the death, and you will not care what people think on blogs or anywhere else. You will be who you are with pride, because you have survived well, and are still here! XOXOXO
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