don't you just love this - worry flower. I found it on this blog : worry flower. I tend to call myself a worry wart - but from this day forward I am a worry flower. love it!
"Polly. . . wished that her......sashes had bigger bows, and her little ruffles more lace on them. She sighed for a locket. . ."
~ Louisa May Alcott ~ an old-fashioned girl
today - I feel like Polly. I am sighing for a locket - not a real gold locket but a locket that holds the secrets to me being less of a worry flower, a happy soul instead of a sad sack.
I was one of those women who in her late 30's and into my 40's and heard whispers of menopause - but it seemed a long way off. I sat smugly, thinking to myself that I wasn't going to be one of those women who were affected by hot flushes and mood swings. oh no, not me! I was going to breeze through this thing we call menopause, (it sounded like secret women's business) until I was put into instant menopause, over night after radiation literally fried my poor old ovaries (I know I harp on my cancer but it was a big part of my life and I can no longer push the feelings down - cause it was crap to go through and to deal with - and I know I am 6 years past treatment, for that I am thankful, but I did not deal with the emotions of it all way back then. They are now rearing their ugly heads.) .... so here I am - flung into menopause in a big way and I don't want to be here. I just don't, it's not fair and I hate it . I hate how the emotions of menopause make me feel. I hate how I need to keep justifying why I am like I am and why I feel the need to blog about it. I hate how my blog is not a happy place to be sometimes. I hate how I feel guilty and complaining when I need to get it out here in my blog. I just hate it. but still I continue - hoping that one person may have the magic word that helps me.
and like boho girl says: "perhaps writing down my worries and then transforming those worries to something positive on paper.
sharing it all here is a start."
13 comments:
Little Worry Flower, how you worry about changing who you are to make others happier when all it takes is to smile inside, keep it hidden, just for you. That is the secret of the Worry Flower. That smile is seen by other Worry Flowers and you have your own secret garden together.
I`m a worrier too and I like that....a worry flower rather than a wort. Although sometimes it feels like a big deep wort LOL Writing it down would be good. What I`ve been doing is replacing the worry with something good to think about instead and demanding that it stays away. It seems to work so far.
I like your post I looked for grandma's garden and found my own.....oh for some flowers here!
tea
xo
I like the idea of being a Worry Flower. Get it all out!!
I wish I had the magic words to help you but I can't even find them for myself! lol Oh dear Robyn, don't ever feel badly blogging about what is bothering you...that's what our blogs are for! It's for us to share our ups and downs, our fears, our dreams, our joys, etc. We all need to find inner peace but for some reason it's harder for some of us to find it...heaven knows I'm still looking for it too! Hugs xoxo
sometimes the very act of writing down what you feel, mulling it over, trying to make sense of it and letting others in on it....can help as a release and a relief. It is the truth of you as you feel it...the east, west, north and south of you. It's certainly nothing to hide and may in the end find you the answers you seek...answers you may already possess and didn't realize.
Hello Robyn :) Y'know, there's a lot of us about who feel just the same way...and I think I have a magic word for you...
Breathe....!
I totally understand how you're feeling about the menopause, being in the midst of lots of hormonal dips & hot flushes myself! Thank goodness for extra oestrogen, is all I can say! Without those teeny tablets I am like a woman possessed, not knowing how to feel from one minute to the next! Even with them, I am still 'unpredictable', to say the least.
I started myself a 'permission to be miserable' blog almost a year ago now, used it a few times to let off steam and haven't even looked at it for months & months..
It really does do you good to spit it all out sometimes, and you shouldn't feel bad for writing down your feelings. No one is forced to read them if they don't want to, remember that! :)
I think your blog is a lovely place to be, and it's reassuring for us all to know that we're not alone in our moments of wondering what the heck is going on! ;)
Give yourself a big hug from me, and don't forget to breathe...!
Much Love,
Suze xXx
Sounds like you are going through a rough time with the big M. But aren't you glad to have a loving and supportive husband, and two equally loving and supportive daughters? Having one of them tell you that you are 'really pretty' is VERY special! And I'll bet your Man will be telling you the same thing in his own way on Feb. 14th!
I have walked through the fire, not of Cancer, but Mpause. Even my friends thought I was out of my mind while in the flames of change...not just me feeling crazy. Terrible mood swings, like being on a trapeeze only the catcher was missing, so I would find myself flug out into space, then a sudden unwelcome thud. I am on the other side, I stand here waiting for you to arrive. Today have a mental jumble sale, and put out all the useless feelings and emotions, if no one buys throw it in the trash before the feelings can creap in and take residence again. Praying the best for you today. lizzzzzzzzy
Robyn...did you know that Dandelion is wonderful for hormones out of balance?( I notice you have a dandelion....maybe for a reason) Also these are known to help....you probably know more about this than I do but:
Black Cohosh
Raspberry leaves
Angelics root
Ginsing
St. Johns Wort
and
Yams
really helped me!
sending love
xo
"He has put his angels in charge of you to watch over you wherever you go"? Psalm 91:1
I don't want to worry but I do (you can see what happen about MY DOLL, yes, I want it and I do not need to worry). I try very hard not to worry and change the thought, very!, I think boho girl is very close to a solution, I think writing it and finding other people with similar ups and downs like us, it does help us and inspire us.
Also, Gemma share a list of healing flowers.
And Thank you for inspiring me to write about my grandmother Today! She did inspire my garden and teach me about it just like your grandma did!
I just wrote this whole long comment and the bleeping thing went away! Grr! Well, in a nutshell, the gist of it was I can identify with much of what you say here - except the cancer thing, thankfully - I can't imagine how that must add to the whole hormonal mix - Hope it helps to know there are many of us going through these flashes and swings too. Sending you many, many ((((HUGS))))
And be careful with the herbal supplements - you're so good with herbs you'd probably make your own and make the blend just right for you, but I was taking a well-known (in the US) herbal supplement for menopausal symptoms, and many thing seemed to be getting worse! When I started researching the ingredients (though it had some of Gemma's list it had others too) and it was those others that were exascerbating problems. Going off of it, actually helped!
Ohh - I know I said in a nutshell - but here was the thing that I really wanted to pass on - the TUT site that Violette has talked about? I read those daily e-mails from the Universe, and they do bring me a smile, and help me remember that Thoughts are Things. Don't know if you already are signed up, but it's a free and easy little pick-me-up. Meanwhile - please know you're not alone - sending you loads of love and ((hugs)) my friend! XOXO
Oh sweetheart, don't be so hard on yourself. It's hormones, not YOU! One day at a time and write it out! xo
*hug* I think before you can be happy, you have to heal... and before you can be healed, you have to acknowledge your pain. And by doing so, who knows how many other people will be like "hey, I'm not alone!" and feel better.
Relax, and enjoy your blog. Don't stress over it's percentage of happiness. We all come here cause we like you, so relax, breathe, and eat some chocolate.
*handing you a Reece Cup, which cures all ills*
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