Tuesday

today the grief comes in waves. I sob and sob. I email people constantly, hoping that someone will say a magic word to take this emptiness away. I still cannot believe that there will be no more words of wisdom, no more emails, no more support & advice from her. No more sabbat gift swaps. Yesterday, I received my yule package from Daisy, it sits here unopened. To look at it makes me physically sick and yet, I am wanting to hold it, knowing it was the last thing she sent to me. I want to smell it and absorb it... but it sits unopened. She emailed me and told me she had sent the package off - her words were "at least I managed to get your yule package off" - now its here. I tried to do something normal today, I drove to my little hippy shop but it was closed... so I just drove. Then I came home, emailed more people...hoping that the magick word would be said and then I had a sleep... then I woke with a start and decided to go to Katoomba. I thought if I bought myself something it would take the pain away.... so I am now the proud owner of a GreenMan rondel that I will hang in my home.... but I look at it and it means nothing now....oh my god, this ache is just dreadful.