no subject at all

here I go again.

like I said in my previous post - I am sad. and I know I am being hard on myself etc, etc. i think for my own peace of mind I need to stop blogging.

Not just blogging but BLOGGING.

I have been looking at lots of blogs tonight and each time I read other blogs, I would get more upset - why can't I be a jolly blogger? why am I the one who bares her soul for all to see? There are so many bloggers who are happy & their blogs are just joyful. Why am I such a needful person? I hate it.

Cause I am not like that in real life.

I know that we are supposed to blog for ourselves but does anyone really do that?

I thought I did but I rely on comments so much. Not so much comments but to know that people care, to know that they are interested and I am interesting.

I guess I lack self confidence or have low self esteem, I don't know what it is.

Cause I am entirely different in blog world to the real world.

Blogging makes me feel insecure. Blogging makes me wonder why some people don't 'like' me or more so - can't be bothered with me anymore (that hurts) - or why people take it upon themselves to email me and tell me that they aren't visiting many blogs anymore but then I see them all over other blogs - that hurts

and the more I try to explain here , the bigger hole I am digging, making myself sound like a damn nutter.

It is so hard to explain what I am feeling and not to come across as petulant

I am in a few swaps and will honour those that I have joined up for.
oh and the seashells - I have sent most of them out - if you don't get yours within a week, please email me and I will send one again. there was a dreadful mixup with postage.



I know I will regret this post in the morning but I have to be strong. I have to , for my own peace of mind.
if you still want to keep in touch, please email me.
oh and I need a best friend too - if anyone is out there who can cope with me & my ups n downs.... I would be glad to hear from you.
I am a loyal caring friend, truly I am.